Today’s post is not my usual kind of topic, but it touches on an issue that’s come up a lot in recent projects. Since the problem seems so widespread, I thought I’d share my thoughts on how to handle it so others can benefit from my experience or offer their own perspectives.

The problem I’m talking about is what to do when you invite someone to participate in a video, and they give you a flat-out no.

Sometimes, you just know that this person is the perfect choice to carry your message. They have charisma or an amazing story; they’re articulate, compelling, or wonderfully earnest and sincere. Whatever the reason, you know in your gut that with this person representing you, you’ll be able build so many more connections. With this person lending you their presence, more people will understand just how important your work is.

But they don’t want to do it.

What is there to say once you’ve gotten a no? You don’t want to push anyone or make them uncomfortable. Besides, no matter how perfect you think they are, if they’re not interested and willing, it just isn’t going to work.

You might be surprised, though, at the reasons people tend to say no. In fact, it’s possible that you can address some of their concerns up front, so you never even get a no in the first place.

But even if you’ve already gotten a negative response, you don’t necessarily have to give up right away. It’s also possible to gently follow up with, “Sure, I understand. Can I ask why, though? I’d love to see if we can find a way to make this work for you.”

Because in fact, quite often, it turns out that you can. 

1. A lot of the time, people say no before they fully understand what you’re actually asking of them. Many times, just clarifying what’s involved will turn their answer around. Specifically, I’ve found that many people say no because they assume that they’re being asked to participate in a live, on-camera interview or because they don’t understand that what they say will be edited into soundbites. They’re understandably anxious about being put on the spot in front of anyone who might be watching. Simply explaining that this will not be broadcast live, and that it will be edited to ensure it flows smoothly, might be all you need to do. 

2. Offer them editorial privileges. I wouldn’t do this for just anyone, but if they’re really important to achieving your goal, ask them if they’re willing to give it a try. Once the interview is done, you’ll send them the edited version for their approval, and if they don’t like what they see, you’ll delete the footage, no questions asked. Oftentimes, people feel much better knowing that they’re in control and are perfectly content with the actual result.

3. Offer not to use their name, or even to hide their face and voice. Perhaps they want to remain anonymous. If that still serves your purposes, it’s a win-win.

4. Some people aren’t worried about how they’ll sound on camera, but self-conscious of how they’ll look. There are sensitive steps you can take to address this concern. Sometimes, it’s enough to offer a preview of how they’ll look on camera before filming starts; if they’re okay with what they see, the problem is solved. You can also offer to have a makeup professional prepare them for the interview. Instead of a source of anxiety, the interview is now an exciting opportunity to look their best.

I’d also seriously suggest you include your video provider on calls inviting subjects to participate. They’ll know what they need to pull off the project and what concessions they’re willing and able to make that don’t interfere too much with their process.

If this situation has happened to you in the past, I’d love to hear your take. How did you handle it? What was the result?